I came from a great family. My parents have made mistakes, just like they all do, but they have always provided me with everything I’ve ever needed. My dad even set up a college fund for me when I was a baby. I’ve always lived in good neighborhoods. I drove a nice car and went to a good school. With that being said, when I got pregnant, I had nobody. I made choices prior to getting pregnant that put me in that situation. I couldn’t even actually believe that I was pregnant.
“WHERE THERE’S A WILL, THERE’S A WAY.”
My baby’s dad and I had a rough relationship, and it only got rougher. But he was all I had. We eventually broke up when I was about 7 months pregnant. Even without a job, car, or money, I knew that I wanted to keep my baby, and I was going to work as hard as I had to to make sure that happened. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way” was my favorite thing to say to people when questioned.
There were so many days when I cried my eyes out, thought, and sometimes said I should just get (or have gotten) an abortion. I begged God to help me. My pregnancy sparked the most beautiful friendship with Anja (a pro-life student leader at Mississippi State), and when I was 11 weeks 6 days pregnant, she took me to the Center for Pregnancy Choices, and they gave me a free sonogram. (CPC is such an amazing place!) I saw my little bitty baby. I saw its heart beat. I did my nervous laugh, attempting to hold back my tears, as I watched my tiny baby jump and dance around. That’s when I knew that I was going to do this, whatever it took.
“Out of the hottest fire comes the purest gold.”
And yet, I still doubted myself daily. I dropped out of college and lost my two jobs when I was 5 months pregnant, still not knowing what I was going to do or how I was going to provide for my baby boy with only a little bit of savings. I prayed that God would lead me to do what was best for my son.
I’m ashamed to admit it now, but I’m going to be real. I still had times where I wished that I had aborted my baby. Through it all, Anja was there: therapist, mother, boyfriend, baby daddy, whatever I needed her to be. She loved me and loved my baby. And I felt that love every time that I called or texted her, crying for help.
I told my mom when I was 16 weeks, after I found out that I was having a baby boy. My still tiny, growing baby boy sparked a brand new, better than ever relationship with my mom which we desperately needed. What a blessing it was when my mom decided to let me move back in with her on my 18th birthday; I was 8 months pregnant. My mom bought my sweet Taylan his first blankets, burp cloths, onesies, etc. It took a long time, but she finally accepted my pregnancy and was officially excited to be a grandmother for the first time. My aunt threw me a baby shower, and I was so thankful! I finally knew that my baby was accepted and loved.
“The pain you’re feeling now is nothing compared to the joy that’s coming.” (Romans 8:18)
On July 30th, Taylan was born. It was so hard. So terrifying. Every second. It was all unknown, and that’s my biggest fear- the unknown. I remember the first time my mom left me alone with Taylan. I called Anja; I was crying. And she just talked to me and calmed me down.
Taylan is almost 3 months old now, and it’s easier. There are still challenges and hard moments, but my life without him would be nothing. I’m sharing this because I don’t know what others are going through, and I know so many pregnant women. Everybody has a different story, especially every young mom, and some aren’t as lucky to get out of such a bad situation and into a better one before the birth of their baby. But maybe hearing about how it’s been for me will give somebody that ounce of hope they need to make it through today.
My pregnancy was filled with some of the hardest times of my life, but it’s had the best outcome. I do about 98% of it on my own with little help. But it’s so worth it. I’ve never loved my life so much.
“The pain you’re feeling now is nothing compared to the joy that’s coming.” (Romans 8:18)
Originally published on Standing with You.