One Man’s Role in Abortion Healing

Mar 5, 2021 | Blog Post

The impacts of abortion are far-reaching. Abortion does not just impact the woman choosing to have one, but it also impacts family and friends. Ten years ago, Carolyn Frandsen, Support After Abortion Programming Coordinator, had an abortion. Two years later, she met her now-husband, Adam Frandsen. Although Adam was not the father, he is still impacted by Carolyn’s abortion decision. Adam Frandsen shares four ways abortion has impacted him.

The realization that men are influencers

When Carolyn first learned she was pregnant, she was scared. She shared with the father only to learn of his expectation that she “do something about it [the pregnancy].” Carolyn’s decision, like that of many women, was influenced by the opinion of the father.

Two years later, when Carolyn found herself pregnant again, she nervously shared the news with Adam. Unlike her previous experience, Adam responded positively, “Looks like we’re having a baby!” While Carolyn was initially scared to tell Adam, she was encouraged by his support.

Carolyn’s abortion experience has given Adam insight. He shares, As men, we typically take a back seat. We might say something like, ‘whatever you want to do.’ But I believe we need to step up and not step back. We need to take responsibility and share how we feel.” Adam affirms that men are influencers in an abortion decision. He understands that they might be scared by an unexpected pregnancy, but from his own experience, he shares, “It’s not easy, but it is doable. You are able to do this.”

Baggage in the form of unhealed hurts

Everyone enters into a relationship with their own baggage of unhealed hurts, and an abortion experience is no exception. Carolyn admits that she brought anger, guilt, shame, and many other emotions into their marriage and her parenting. She admits that while Adam would often discuss things in a straightforward manner, she would often stuff them down as a means to cope. “I couldn’t express how I was feeling, let alone be able to explain it to my husband.” It wasn’t until she began attending church, entered into a relationship with God, and enrolled in some healing groups that she began to understand how she was feeling and why she was feeling that way.

Years later, through the recording of her testimony, Adam’s eyes were opened. For the first time, Carolyn unpacked some of her hurts, and Adam gained knowledge and perspective. He learned why she was unable to hold their firstborn son. He learned of the unbearable pain she felt when she was forced to hold their son and face her previous decision to abort. Together they have healed from some of their previous hurts and have learned to better communicate with one another.

Advocates for healing, both Carolyn and Adam have participated in healing programs through Support After Abortion or through the church. “The Bible says that iron sharpens iron. To be better partners, dads, and friends, we need to realize that spiritual and emotional healing is important for men, too.” Everyone experiences trauma to some degree, but it’s important to know that hope and freedom can be found in healing.

She found her calling

As with many, abortion recovery can lead to the desire to help others find the same freedom. Carolyn’s healing journey unraveled her purpose, one she surely didn’t see for herself. Adam selflessly supports his wife because he “can see the joy it brings her to help others and the way God is using her and her story.” Although he works full time to provide for the family, Adam makes an effort to support Carolyn’s calling through Support After Abortion. As influencers, Adam encourages other men to support the women in their lives who have experienced abortion. “Support them in seeking healing, participate in it yourself, and just be understanding.”

Anticipated difficult conversations

Although the couple has healed from the abortion experience, the impacts of abortion continue to touch their lives. Two years ago, Adam gifted Carolyn with a ring of her children’s birthstones. Their eldest accompanied him to buy the ring and inquired about the additional stone. At that moment, Adam and Carolyn responded in an age-appropriate manner that he did “have a sister who was with Jesus.” While their son did express sadness, the information provided seemed to be all he needed at the moment. Adam and Carolyn do anticipate further discussions in the future but are waiting for God to reveal the timing of them.

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